The Way

But somehow I wonder if

Despite their silent exterior

Away from the purview of others

In a darkness all their own

They endure the painful pruning of transition

Of transformation

Old is new

And new is you

And butterflies bleed too.

There are those among us who are treading on unmarked ground, fresh soil devoid of the comfort of patterned steps heralding the way. We are straying from tradition and daring to redefine the boundaries of our professions as we venture in new directions. It is not just that we don’t fit the mould, but that in some ways, we reject the idea of moulds all together.

For me, social justice medicine is the new direction. It is the practice of clinical medicine in a thoughtful way that creates and sustains health equity. It requires community engagement, civic participation, political advocacy, apt use of new media and technology, and interdisciplinary collaboration with local organizations and community leaders. It is essential to build a more just, equal, and free society and so far, it doesn’t really exist.

6 months ago, at the end of my pediatric residency, I took a position as a community pediatrician and have been eagerly piecing together a career in the practice of social justice medicine ever since. Sometimes, in moments of uncertainty, when my mind is quiet enough to admit my fears, I find myself in the throes of a great transition, worried I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going.

In medical school, I took a class called Let Your Life Speak. It was based on a vocational guide by the same title, and it helped medical students identify our gifts and consider potential careers. In the book, author Parker J. Palmer presents the idea of “way” or the path on which each of us walk toward our purpose. I’ve been looking for my “way” since college and as my blog header articulates, it is an ongoing journey. Recently, I found some clarity.

In any hierarchical assent, “way” seems to form in front of you, with each opportunity striding towards the next. But the truth is, that “way” was already there, worn by the feet of others, and ending at a predetermined destination. Sometimes paths are created as “way” closes behind you. When opportunity doesn’t knock, it quietly closes the door, making new, unseen paths available.

To stretch the confines of what it means to be a doctor, I have to stretch my understanding of how to get there. In doing so, it has become clear that “way” is not linear and does not have directionality. It is the iterative process of curiosity, experiment, discovery, and failure that builds the experiences necessary to create an unconventional career. Although the cyclical process of preparation, pruning, and readiness may be difficult, the product will be beautiful and uniquely yours.

But somehow I wonder if

Despite their silent exterior

Away from the purview of others

In a darkness all their own

They endure the painful pruning of transition

Of transformation

Old is new

And new is you

And butterflies bleed too.

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